At the nighttime I think of you.

You here with me along side and we wander the night

The streetlights they seem to get darker the further we go down the street

The houses get smaller. The sidewalk grows.

At the end of the block, there is a grove

Of trees larger than life, a gigantic lake,

And fields of grass and flowers that stretch into the sky like

Children reaching for a treat on the counter top

The grass like the children puts its arms up in vain,

Arising to its tipsy-toes in hopes of attaining a sweet.

And so do we.

We walk the path of dirt laid out before us,

Both in sight and in history, this path is beaten.

We stray, finding our own way,

Through the grass-children and their arms

We find a secluded place.



The night gets darker, and the stars seem to twinkle

Faster than our eyes can perceive,

And things seem to lose the meanings attached to them by this materialistic world.

Things seem to become abstract, open to interpretation, limitless,

Unending.

This night goes on forever. The trees and the leaves sway, the grass covers,

Our love,

Blooms.



In the morning we awake to the sun reaching down to its offspring.

It hands to the grass the snack finally, feeding it light and warmth,

Nurturing the very moment we are all a part of.

The night, which seemed so endless, had come to an end,

But we knew there would be more.

We walk backwards, the Back Bay shrinks,

But we never see the city. Our hearts and minds are

Back where we found each other.

We return often, to discover more,

As well as renew that which we already know.

We are always there.

nabbed from zilchguy00 at melodramatic.com

it LITTERALLY feels like my heart is aching.

I don't have Ian anymore. I have no one.
All I want is last summer. the good times.

augh. I just don't even know where to start. I don't know where to go.

I didn’t really think that this program would change much about my personality. I guessed that I’d learn more about program planning, and about how to operate a public pool or something. But I never would’ve thought that it would really (and I mean REALLY) steer me in my life’s direction. Or at least give me a very poignant picture of what makes me really happy in life.

And, surprisingly, it’s camping!

This is such a surprising revelation for many reasons, most of which stem from a really whiny, unadventurous, and picky childhood. Seriously, I hated camping when I was little. ...I hated a lot of things when I was little. And I only realized recently that I’ve held so many opinions for so long. I.e.: My brother, sister, and father have all gorged themselves on toasted tomato sandwiches for as long as I can remember, and I simply REFUSED to try it. Looking at it now, toast with mayonnaise and sliced tomato topped with fresh pepper sounds absolutely delightful! Also, I tried cross country skiing when I was, what, nine years old? And I decided that I didn’t like it. I told myself this for YEARS. Until I bravely decided to sign up for a winter camping trip.

This camping trip. Wow. It was like I became a different person. Not even just different; I became a facet of myself that I didn’t know existed. It turned out that all of the qualities and attributes that I admire in other people.... were in ME all along! I became someone who wasn’t afraid to try something new for fear of embarrassment. I became someone who dove into every adventure head first and was the first person to volunteer. Not only volunteering for the fun things, I also wanted to do WORK! I did about 75% of the shovelling out of a quinzhee, and then, when it was done, so high off the fumes of accomplishment, I went inside to chop all the vegetables for dinner, and ice all the cupcakes for dessert!

My heart was so full. I woke up with a smile on my face, and went to bed in the same state of euphoria, except way more exhausted. It’s almost unbelievable how excited I was to participate. It helped that our outdoor guide, Colin, was a bonafide outdoor recreation heartthrob, and that I was wearing just the right amount of layers to never be too cold or too sweaty when running through the woods on snowshoes.

I have never had that little to complain about. ....EVER. I could not find a single thing wrong with the entire experience. To tally it up:

1 afternoon cross-country skiing for the first time since I was nine
1 afternoon snowshoeing up and over ridges to a beautiful lookout, then bombarding down steep slopes
1 highly informative session about frostbite and hypothermia
6 delicious home cooked meals; Tomato soup and grilled cheese have never tasted so satisfying!
1 fun, adventurous “NIGHT HIKE” through the woods with said hot guide Colin. We played sardines, Bat & Moth, and learned various facts about night vision and things that go bump in the dark.
1 additional afternoon trampling through the woods, chatting with Colin about his numerous temp jobs

-Not only is the guy the poster boy for good-looking outdoorsmen everywhere, he’s also a supply teacher for elementary schools! He supplies at different schools all over the place, and takes on various temp jobs, like this one at the outdoor centre where he’s worked for a couple months. As soon as I heard this, I thought, “THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO DO!” I mean, really: how liberating does that sound?! Take a job for a couple months working at an outdoor centre, then another temp job doing...I don’t know, construction? Hotel service? Waitressing? Whatever! And then bounce off again to fill in for an absent teacher here and there, chillin’ with kids, being the “good guy” supply teacher.

I took so many good things away from those all-too-short 4 days, the least of which is that I CAN be happy. I can be complaint-free, and care-free. I can be adventurous, perky, funny, energetic. I also got so much closer with some really great people from my program, like Lisa, Melissa, Jen, Kathryn, and Josh. Unless the stars align and pigs learn to fly (or Craigslist Missed Connections actually work...ha!), I’ll probably never have my chance with Hottie Colin, but I’m alright with a lifetime of cute and romantic dreams and day-dreams instead. But I gained so much more.